he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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