According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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