idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
