i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
