just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
