mondays should just be called national damage control day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
