He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
