i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize