just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
