they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
