Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
false alarm. still invincible.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
