I'd wear matching sweaters with you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
