in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
