while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
