i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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