you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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