I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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