hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
