I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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