dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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