I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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