i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
