If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
