is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
