She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
