hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
