I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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