You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
