Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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