I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
