Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize