Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
