I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just had sex on a roof
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
