i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
