Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
