I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
