Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
