i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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