I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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