Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
