I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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