he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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