WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize