you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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