I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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