The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
