xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
