he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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