I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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