Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
