Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
