my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
