Princesses don't give blow jobs
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
