I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
