Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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