she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
