I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am spending my child support on dildos
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
