Where did you get a picture of my penis
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
