So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
