Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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