There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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