O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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