No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
