I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
