if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
