I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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