Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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