if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
