I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
