I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
