Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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