I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
how drunk are you?
Several
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
