Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
