Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize