Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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