I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize