were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
