went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
