Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
