is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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