Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
