You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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