If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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