hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she pinky promised me she was 18
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
