i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
