best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
