So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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