I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
