you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize