I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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