God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
