one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
