you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
