maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
