We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
