Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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