Whod you bang
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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