dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
